The Real 20 Weeks Post..

20 Weeks {on the dot!}

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 20 Weeks 

Size of baby: Banana

6.5inches and 10.5 ounces.

Total Weight Gain: Not totally sure.
Probably about 15lbs :(.

Maternity Clothes: Yep!
See last post, just went shopping. Hoorah!

Gender: Still unsure..
Although, I still think BOY! lol..we'll find out a week from today

Movement: Yes!
Mostly at night. Love it.

Sleep:I love sleep!
I sleep a lot, a lot!!

What I miss: My body!!
I'm totally vain, but man i'm ready to be tight and in shape again..

Cravings: A big 'ol juicy STEAK!

Symptoms: Not many other than actually feeling pregnant now.
What I’m looking forward to: The next u/s January 14th!!! Anatomy Scan

This is one of the only Maternity shirts I own right now and it really shows off the shape of my belly better than anything else i've worn.

 This was 20 weeks pregnant with CRC!! See the difference in the Belly!

 AND this is what I want to look like again.. SOON!! {lol!}
(The guy in the picture is a man from a local radio station. They always come do remotes at my job.)

Mommy Went Shopping!

$9.97

{Absolutely love this shirt! Hope it fits well!!}

All of my pregnancies have been different. Very different. When I was pregnant with Cami, it was the same time of year now. Her birthday is May 8th and this one is due May 27th. However, i was only 19 and wanted to "hide" my pregnancy with clothes. {ha! There was no hiding that big 'ol bump!} So I never bought Maternity Clothes. I just wore Yoga, Fleece, and Sweat Pants all the time with big T Shirts. Yuck! I wish someone would have told me how pitiful I looked. Ha!

With CRC, it was the opposite time of year. I was pregnant through the summer. I did buy Maternity clothes when preg with her. Lots of shorts, casual Knit Tops, and Tank Tops. I did, though, give them all away after I had her. I vowed to never be pregnant again and purged all of my Maternity and baby items. Eeek!

This time, i'm smaller everywhere except my belly! It is almost 2x the size it was before, but thankfully my booty and arms have been spared {up until now anyway} So I had to start buying Maternity shirts pretty quickly this time around. I've been wearing my regular jeans though. But the past week or so, they've gotten tight!! I'm so sad.. I wanted to wear them for as long as possible, just to say I did, but it's time to put them away. Wah! I wore Maternity Jeans yesterday and it was like floating on a cloud! {lol!} Soo comfy!

Anyway, I went to Old Navy online and saw they were having a 70% off sale on Maternity clothes! Woo Hoo!! I got 5 shirts and a Cardigan Wrap for $50! Also, they have an option for FREE shipping with a $50 order, so you can bet I did that. I can wait a few more days for my clothes for cheaper shipping.
Below are a few of the things I got.

This was only $7.97!!

As was this..$7.97

{Chris said he wouldn't have picked it for me, but oh well.. Your style has to change a bit for the belly}

This one was a whopping $4.97

{I didn't love it by itself, but I figured it'd be cute under a Wrap or Sweater}

This was $14.97

{Love these! I had two pre pregnancy and wore them with everything! I got the one in Grey though}

The other shirt I bought is now sold out. It fits during pregnancy up until around 6 months, then you can use it post pregnancy as a nursing top. Cool! I feel like I got some good deals. Now, i'm going to keep my eye out for sales on Motherhood Maternity Jeans. They're the only ones I like.

KidISMS - CDC AND CRC

I don't have many KidISMS to share today, but I wanted to write them down before I forgot. I love looking back and seeing the silly things my girls have said to me.

CDC told me after I picked her up from school today, that she was going to be a "Cheerleader and a Dr" when she grows up. I believe that suits me fine.

Then this morning while I was trying to get CRC to help me clean up the toys she dragged out, I called "CRC..?" She said "Momma! I not talking to you..." as she kept pushing her babies round and round in their stroller. Lil turkey!!

ETA: Bwahahaha!! Had to add this.
CDC came running in the room saying "I found this hooker in my room!!!" We looked up to see what in the world she was talking about and it was a Christmas tree Ornament Hook. :)

Thankful and Blessed

So, yesterday I was in shock. I didn't know what to do with my emotions or feelings and I lashed out. I feel like my post was angry and bitter and I don't want to be that person.

Today, I woke up feeling blessed and thankful to be here another day. Instead of the woe is me attitude, I am choosing to be grateful for everything I have. My children are my greatest blessing. They are the ones that need me. They need me to be strong and healthy for them. As I sit here this morning, CRC wants to sit next to me and hear me read to her and sing her songs. I can't imagine not doing these things with her. Yesterday, I felt like giving up, throwing in the towel, and just going to bed forever. But today, I want to see the world, so to speak. I want to do all the things i've always wanted to. I want to do simple things and just enjoy my life, my girls, my family. Even just to go outside and sit on the grass and watch my kids play with our dog sounds nice. I don't want to be that stressed out, overwhelmed, bitter person that i've been for so long.

I realize I didn't get a death sentence, but it was still scary news. I still don't know the outcome and won't for a few weeks, i'm guessing. But, I feel like I need to live every day to the fullest. I want to live, not just be.

Terrified. Abnormal Pap

As most of you know, I've had the worst year of my life. I decided to leave my  marriage and go astray be "life it up" so to speak. I realize now how much of an idiot I was. I'm so happy to be home with my family and so thankful that we are all living happily. However, I got very scary results today.

I am having to go to a women's clinic because I have no medical insurance and medicaid won't accept me. They are terrible! It's the lowest of low class. I'm not trying to judge, but the nurses and doctors treat everyone crappy! I had a Pap Smear done a month ago and never heard back results. I kept bleeding bright red blood and would call almost weekly, but they just shrugged me off saying "you probably have a cervix that bleeds easily" But I wouldn't accept that. I knew in my heart something wasn't right. I decided to try and call one more time today.

The nurse finally answered and told me "You're results to your Pap were Atypical. We need you to come in for tests. You'll receive a packet in the mail." *click and hangs up on me*

I was in shock. I cried for 3 hours straight. My dad and mom both took off work to come sit with me and the girl's. They had to treat me like a Psych patient because I was so traumatized. I still am. I finally called again to try and see if they could explain the results more in depth.

I finally spoke to a nurse at the Hospital *which is not associated with the nasty clinic I am going to* and she explained in depth that I have High Risk HPV which can easily lead to Cervical Cancer and that I have to go in for tests. I also had an infection that required Antibiotics asap or it could lead to premature birth and delivery. The nurse at the Hospital called me in the Antibiotic I need and with a sympathetic voice told me "Just calm down and go in for your testing and hopefully everything will turn out okay. Cheer up sweetie."

Right. Cheer up? How could I possibly cheer up right now? I'm at the lowest point in my life. This is the worst news I could ever receive other than my children being hurt or sick. I'm absolutely terrified. I want a Hysterectomy as soon as this baby is born so I never have to worry about Cervical Cancer again.

And by the way, WTF?!? Why would these people at the clinic not care about a Human Being? They didn't even call me when my Pap came back. The woman explained nothing to me. Didn't call me in an antibiotic for an infection that could harm my baby. Didn't even tell me I had HPV!!!

I plan on switching Dr's tomorrow! I don't care how much I have to pay with no insurance coverage. My life is worth more to me than money. I feel sick. Sad. Lonely. Scared. Clueless..