Tuesday, September 13, 2011

More Abnormal than Before

I'm not going to be very eloquent in this post because my emotions are all over the place. I can't speak with poise or big words because all I feel is fear and shock!

I had posted months ago about an abnormal pap. They wanted to wait until after I had the baby to get a repeat. Well, I did last week and it came back worse..

I actually have a lesion now and have to go in for a biopsy on Thursday.

I can't even begin to put into words how scared I am. Of course, my mind races to the worst of the worst scenario. I'm terrified for the procedure and most of all the results. I have no insurance so its even more complicated.

So many questions run through my mind like "why me?" Am I so bad a person to deserve all of this turmoil I've gone through in the last year? Am I being punished for getting divorced? I just don't understand so many things. I know God is in control and there must be a reason for this to be happening to me. I'm trying to put the fear and worry behind me because it is a sin after all. I'm pushing myself to stay focused on the girls and what I know is great in my life at the moment rather than what could be bad.

Prayers would be greatly appreciated.


  1. I can only imagine how scary this would be. But you should know that god is not punishing you. I will be thinking of you. I wish I could help you in some way.

  2. Kaycee - if you still have my private email, shoot me a private message if you want to talk. Where is the lesion? I ask because I had to have biopsy a few weeks ago because my endometrial lining was thicker than it should be. If it is a similar procedure, it was not that bad. I know its what it might be that is also very frightening but as far as the procedure, I would be more than happy to talk to you about that. Hugs to you.

  3. praying for peace and comfort during this time for you.

  4. God bless you and I include you into my prayers!!!

  5. I completely understand the emotions you are going through as I have been recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It's very scary not knowing. However, I am firm in my belief that God has a plan and I have been put on this path for a reason. Be strong!

    My prayers are with you!!!

  6. Prayers for you Kaycee!

    I've been through the abnormal pap and LEEP procedure twice. It is scary, but better to know and have things taken care of. I'll be thinking of you!

  7. Praying for you!!! Please keep us updated.

  8. hun, try to relax a little. i've been there, two times. i've had to have the biopsy done twice. it's really not as bad as you might think. it's a quick procedure and you'll be in and out in no time. i will send prayers your way and of course be thinking of you!!

  9. Sending prayers & positive thoughts your way!

  10. I will be sending prayers up :)

  11. Hey Kaycee!
    First and foremost, God loves you so much! I don't believe God is punishing you for your sin at all. All of your sin was punished on the cross when Jesus hung there. Many times, we face difficult times in our lives so that God can draw us near to him. He wants us to fully rely on him no matter what we are going through. Sometimes he is also trying to change something in us. I know that doesn't make the hard time easier though. But, it is comforting to know that God is with us through everything, and He can give peace and comfort during a time like this. Although we may face consequences for our sin, it is not punishment. Oh, and God also uses circumstances in our lives to help other people later in life too. I know that I have been able to pray for and comfort many people who are going through things I once did, like miscarriages. Anyways, just try to remember how much you are loved. I am so sorry for what you are facing. Things can definitely be scary sometimes.

  12. If you would like some scripture to read for comfort maybe these would help.
    Jeremiah 1:4-5
    Zephaniah 3:17
    “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (NIV)

    Ephesians 2:4-5
    “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” (NIV)
    Jeremiah 31:3
    “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”(NIV)
    1 John 4:9-10 “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (NIV)
    1 John 3:1
    “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” (NIV)
    Romans 8: 35-39
    “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (NIV)
    3:49 PM1 John 4:16
    “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”(NIV)

  13. I'm going through the same thing, and I'm pregnant right now. Will keep you in my prayers sweetie!!!