I'm not going to be very eloquent in this post because my emotions are all over the place. I can't speak with poise or big words because all I feel is fear and shock!
I had posted months ago about an abnormal pap. They wanted to wait until after I had the baby to get a repeat. Well, I did last week and it came back worse..
I actually have a lesion now and have to go in for a biopsy on Thursday.
I can't even begin to put into words how scared I am. Of course, my mind races to the worst of the worst scenario. I'm terrified for the procedure and most of all the results. I have no insurance so its even more complicated.
So many questions run through my mind like "why me?" Am I so bad a person to deserve all of this turmoil I've gone through in the last year? Am I being punished for getting divorced? I just don't understand so many things. I know God is in control and there must be a reason for this to be happening to me. I'm trying to put the fear and worry behind me because it is a sin after all. I'm pushing myself to stay focused on the girls and what I know is great in my life at the moment rather than what could be bad.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated.