Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Terrified. Abnormal Pap

As most of you know, I've had the worst year of my life. I decided to leave my  marriage and go astray be "life it up" so to speak. I realize now how much of an idiot I was. I'm so happy to be home with my family and so thankful that we are all living happily. However, I got very scary results today.

I am having to go to a women's clinic because I have no medical insurance and medicaid won't accept me. They are terrible! It's the lowest of low class. I'm not trying to judge, but the nurses and doctors treat everyone crappy! I had a Pap Smear done a month ago and never heard back results. I kept bleeding bright red blood and would call almost weekly, but they just shrugged me off saying "you probably have a cervix that bleeds easily" But I wouldn't accept that. I knew in my heart something wasn't right. I decided to try and call one more time today.

The nurse finally answered and told me "You're results to your Pap were Atypical. We need you to come in for tests. You'll receive a packet in the mail." *click and hangs up on me*

I was in shock. I cried for 3 hours straight. My dad and mom both took off work to come sit with me and the girl's. They had to treat me like a Psych patient because I was so traumatized. I still am. I finally called again to try and see if they could explain the results more in depth.

I finally spoke to a nurse at the Hospital *which is not associated with the nasty clinic I am going to* and she explained in depth that I have High Risk HPV which can easily lead to Cervical Cancer and that I have to go in for tests. I also had an infection that required Antibiotics asap or it could lead to premature birth and delivery. The nurse at the Hospital called me in the Antibiotic I need and with a sympathetic voice told me "Just calm down and go in for your testing and hopefully everything will turn out okay. Cheer up sweetie."

Right. Cheer up? How could I possibly cheer up right now? I'm at the lowest point in my life. This is the worst news I could ever receive other than my children being hurt or sick. I'm absolutely terrified. I want a Hysterectomy as soon as this baby is born so I never have to worry about Cervical Cancer again.

And by the way, WTF?!? Why would these people at the clinic not care about a Human Being? They didn't even call me when my Pap came back. The woman explained nothing to me. Didn't call me in an antibiotic for an infection that could harm my baby. Didn't even tell me I had HPV!!!

I plan on switching Dr's tomorrow! I don't care how much I have to pay with no insurance coverage. My life is worth more to me than money. I feel sick. Sad. Lonely. Scared. Clueless..


  1. I am so thankful that you were persistent because it sounds like a very scary situation otherwise.

    I know it is hard to cheer up but stay positive! We all make mistakes, Kaycee. All of us. All the time. You ultimately made the right one and some people NEVER learn that lesson. Keep on trucking and leave the loser clinic people behind you. Focus on all that is good in your world- two BEAUTIFUL little girls, another blessing on the way, a relationship with the One who created you and a man that you WANT to be with, and who wants to be with you. Sorry for the hard day. Keep positive, friend. :)

  2. So, you're saying that they finally gave you the results b/c YOU were persistent? That's awful! Results come back in way less than a month on paps! To an extent, they put you in danger by not passing those results on to you immediately...just crazy!

    It's gonna be ok, sweetie. I'll be praying for you...for the Lord to put His healing hands on you. Just try and relax and let Him take control...that's really all you can do ;)

    I'm curious and a bit confused. I tried to read back on your blog, but didn't see you write about it. Did you and Chris get back together? I'm just a follower of your blog and have been for a long time. I'm happy that you are so content with your life now, you have a beautiful family!

  3. Kaycee, I have had abnormal paps before, and had to even have some abnormal cells removed and were told that they were from HPV... It was very scary, and while I have normal paps now, it still scares the crap out of me even thinking of it returning. I will say prayers for you and Im sure it will all turn out ok!! hang in there sweetie, I know its hard!!

  4. I am a nurse so I hope I can tell you a few things that make you feel a little better. After you have the baby they are probably going to recommend you having one of the many procedures that will remove the abnormal cells (which most of these are no big deal). HPV is very common alot of people have it and don't even know it. Most of the time the cells grow very slow. The people that usually get Cervical cancer from HPV are ones that have not had a PAP smear in a long always go reguraly. I hoped I helped a little. I'll be happy to answer if you have any questions.

  5. Have you checked into chip? I Know that people who don't qualify for medicaid can get chip. Esp if there is a problem. It sucks that you are having to go through this right now.

  6. I am so sorry! :( I know this is really a stressful and scary time and I pray that it will all work out.

  7. My SIL actually had cervical cancer, and she had surgery to remove some cells and it wasn't too big of a deal. She was in her mid-twenties. It can happen, but there is a lot they can do to help you. You'll be ok, just take a deep breath.

  8. I have an aggressive string of HPV and finally having a LEEP procedure my Paps are coming back normal. I was finally cleared after two normal paps to wait a year for a 3rd but at my request they will see me again in 6 months. Most of the time things do move slowly but in my case it didnt. I had a PAP done and it came back "high grade" 3 weeks later I had Stage 0 Carcinoma Insitu. Please be careful with this clinics.They obviously dont have your well being in mind or your baby. I'm afraid some of these tests they want to run may be risky while pregnant. Please go see someone else. PLEASE!
    Praying for you

  9. I'm so sorry, Kaycee!! I can't believe that a Drs office would be so rude...that is just unacceptable! You will be in my prayers, babe!

  10. I've had an abnormal PAP before, too. Many times the abnormal cells will clear up on their own, which was my case. I'm sure they will want to treat it more aggressively since you are pregnant, but I just wanted you to know that abnormal PAPs are really common, and odds are really likely that after some treatment you will be A-OK!

  11. hun, try to relax a tiny bit. you are going to make yourself sick with stress.
    i have had abnormal paps the last 3 years of my life. my results will probably never be normal again. i've had to have cells removed more than once and although i was terrified at first i realized this is totally treatable and life goes on. its more of an inconvenience than anything.
    you are going to be ok.
    if you want to talk about this more, feel free to email me. i've actually met a lot of bloggers this has happened to as well and talked them through everything i had been through which eased their minds.